The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
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