sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
