chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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