I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
