there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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