Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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