Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Randomize
