I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I puked a lego.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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