nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
