No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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