Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
