i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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