they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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