Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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