You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Holy shit dude........stairs
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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