24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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