guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
