I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
