Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
