Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize