I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
