I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
