Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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