just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
