he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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