I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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