My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
