a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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