Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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