its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize