Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It's Friday. Sex?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
