the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
