The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
