i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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