Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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