dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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