He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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