OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
