i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
