Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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