So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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