Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize