I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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