i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
