dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
