Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
