So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
