i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
