dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
