i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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