he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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