so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
