i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
