You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The adults are the big ones right?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
