I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
