I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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