just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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