toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
