That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i think im in europe. pls send help
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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