when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
