Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
