Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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