I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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