he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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