Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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