Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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