Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
