just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
