Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
