Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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