So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
